10 things you should know by 25

Hope this is helpful to some young person we know http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/features/25956-11-things-to-know-at-25ish

Didn't ya just luv the learners permit

Re Royal wedding  Kate and William  ( The car was a Blue  Aston Marton  but this is just as good)  

The clear rules of marriage and life are there get us back on track .We all stuff up . We don't change the rules to make allowances for oursleves, we change ourselves or seek help to change ourselves . We are all learning  to be tougher and stronger and more aware of why its good , and not only good but great,  to be so . Have you seen the Kings speech? .  

Feeling good about yourself

One pretty sure way to feel better about ourselves is to dress up . We often need to feel better about ourselves, so dressing up can help - but it can also hide things that need to be dealt with first . Like what's happening on the inside . Dressing up can hide things that need exposing . One of the best parts of old age is you can't kid yourself about  the contrast between real beauty and superficial beauty on your own body ( I can talk , even though i am quite young really )  .   
We don't easily admit that we need to feel better on the inside to ourselves. That feeling of guilt or inadequacy is often more obvious to others than it is to ourselves -good to have friends or parents to tell you you are fulla......... Honest friends   see it  in us when we " hang it on others" and what "they "are doing wrong - psychologists called it "projection" the good book calls it guilt ( putting your own blame game on them - like Adam  and Eve ). 
We see it in others when they are unhappy when the occasion calls for celebration;  when they gossip or  feel like they are losing it  in the competition stakes ( all of which is uneccesary if you believe you are made and just as important as anyone else- which you are ); when they have done something they regret and haven't confessed it .  Competition ( individual position ) is not the whole of life,  just a part of the bigger picture ( team ) We all have a part to play - just have to find it! 


Every single one of us needs to feel better about ourselves and we all have something to confess ( if we think about it enough) . And because we all suffer the same need we don't always help each other here - stealing the honor or beauty or trying to .The key thing  is we all need to shower everyday ( sometimes many times  a day) 
I loved the way the royal wedding put the clothes issue into perspective . She wore white - not so much a symbol of purity ( which can threaten us ) but a symbol of cleansing. That's where beauty is - its on the inside and we need to strive for that first . Best thing is that while millions missed it ( because they were concentrating on what people were wearing ) several  billions saw just HOW you can find hope and joy - in the prospect of forgiveness - being made clean ( but as both Jewish and Christian traditions show so clearly in their essential traditions when they meet together) - but it must start with accepting it for yourself. 

Some great quotes to help you ignore the noise around you

Reputation is what men and women think of us: Character is what God and Angels know of us-Thomas Paine

Try not to become a man of success, but a man of value-Albert Einstein

Insist on yourself..Never imitate.-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds that you plant-Louis Stevenson

Teenage girls need support not cynicsm

David Koch and Michael Carr Gregg can be such wooses .( Sunrise today )  As men and fathers they wouldn't let there own daughters wander around in the mists of ' do what you feel like ' before they find their prince. The easiest way to laugh off at a idea that threatens us  ( self control is a good idea ) is to show some extreme American group doing something a bit extreme ( they do that)  . Sunrise should ask local churches,  mosques and schools about their programs with the same idea  . I am off listening to SEVEN and disgusted with these 2 weak men .Such a soft touch selling spree so often
If these woosy men  talked from their top heads they would be analysing facebook slanging and recognising how deeply cruel and hypocritical men can be on the subject of sexual purity . Slagging over lack of sexual control is rife  and you ignore that . Are You 2 just selling our daughters  a self control quickfix drug allowing them easy access-- into bed they go again ? .
Girls must stand  and fight for the right to be strong - resist the cynicsm and the technique driven drug culture that says you have more fun by throwing over self control . What do you get for it ? who wants their daughter to develop a reputation ?
Carr Gregg claims resisting temptation doesn't work . "Don't do something because the crowd won't support you" - and YET he dares lectures us about resisting peer group pressure! 1 wonder whatever happened to good olde parent and teacher group pressure? 
Since when did the majority determine the level of happiness , or sound ways to live ? Is clinical study worthless? I wonder if MCG studied the attitudes of those who are still with their princes and princesses ( no theres a study!) . I wonder how many divorces occur because mum and dad disagree about what the other partner , was or wasn't doing to sell self control to their daughters ( sum honesty here  boys! - no reinforcement of adult men in MCG's one sided analysis )
 I don't need the survey to tell me what's happening . Look how many parents want to send their girls to private schools and all the girls happy to go there - study that you selective bookmarkers. There is more to resisting state school degradation than new plaster , paint and wallpaper.

Hypocrisy is not to strong a word for some men who claim to lead , but haven't got the courage to make girls feel even more guilty by telling them the truth they already know . Tough parenting is that - really tough . The clinicians need to study catharsis -because its coming

When someone threatens me - is it wrong ?

Depends on whether you are sitting in the chair or not. , Unfortunately in the blinkered eyes of many bureau brats and post modern reactionaries it is considered by them to be wrong just like they think its wrong of God to get angry ". Unfortunately children get to know the law before they understand  that it is only ever right if it does right - otherwise like most laws its a ass - an unmoving piece of predjudice and stupid millstone stuff
A young child asked this question on ANSWERS - yahoo,  when his mother threatened to not feed him unless he picked up his clothes.
 Is it illegal for a mother to not feed a child?  .
My answer :  Yes , you could send her to jail . You have all that power,WOW so choose well . 
She loves you no doubt because she would happily go to jail if you would only listen and do what she asked you first time long time ago ( remember she asked you .....times before she became wrathful ). - Look TOO at what she is prepared to do to train you before she dies to live reasonably with someone else . She loves you and love threatens mate because if you don't listen - you'll live alone. Not easy though is it to be told what to do - 
Forget being the legal eagle   or you'll spend your life talking about how everyone else but you is breaking  the law all the time.  
Don't worry-- hard work is good for you ( gets easier the more you practice) because it teaches you what is really good ( honoring your parents ) and conversely ( what bullsh talk is all about - you don't get this reality therapy on TV ) --AND not best of all but with some inspiration for you -it will all be over by the time your 18.   
By that time hopefully you will have learned that she's RIGHT and you are WRONG . 

Gotta to be cruel to be kind

The statement is true .
This is tough stuff , (and no way we can deal with all cruelty issues here) - but I hope you agree -good stuff to talk through . If you are a "dragon parent", maybe you can sit back and relax - for a moment only ! If your parents /teachers sometimes seem cruel - take heart ; They may be inflicting a bit of pain,  to prevent a lot later .
 To care is mostly to be kind , but occassionally we have to  be cruel to show we care.  If we care,  we sometimes deliberately invoke pain..Consider the best role model - the adult with the offspring .
 Man is indeed the only animal who has a choice to be cruel, so we should never justify outright carelessness  or distracted reasoning here .  When a parent bird kicks a chick out of the nest, no psychological suffering is involved, as far as we can tell  .
Not so with us, it seems .Our emotions and minds are busy and we feel the pain, often deeply..
(Not saying we should ever be cruel to any creature - unless we "have to inflict pain" because we care.)
I am  talking here only about one proper place for "cruelty" - the kind of hard action that anticipates the future and is honest in stopping someone  from doing what they are clearly determined ( in some way) to keep doing; Kindness and care linked .  Inflicting pain in order to prevent more pain later .
When we were children too we never quiet undertsood this - but that's Ok . You almost have to become a parent to see it , and then when you do have your own children ,  its no longer a matter of talk or faith - its a truth !
Short term pain,  long term gain . Short term gain , long term pain . Is it not a parents job to intervene sometimes to teach em these things ?
None of us like dealing with this - there is usually pain all around .My mother used to say with regard to punishment ( is it even allowed now?) , this is going to hurt me more than its going to hurt you!

At least on the positive side , our emotions usually warn us that there are "real and present dangers" in the choices we make here. (Many people are scarred emotionally here by not knowing/ reasoning  how love works here. If this applies to you,  please seek help because dealing with it well,  is a key to wellness) .
It is no coincidence that the image of cruelty that we OFTEN have before us is the parent - the mother or father  bird,( animal or nature )  OR  our own  mother or father , when cruelty is used correctly in our homes.( fully  human ) .    The boundaries of care involve bouncing around real passions that need to directed well and managed well . The Animals don't have a choice,  but we do.  That choice can be,  like our aggressive instincts , very positive-  If we determine to make it so.
 So while we should fear the danger,  we should also deal with the danger .
Cruelty,  because its natural, will always be used by some single minded and self centered sorts to justify the right of the strong over the weak.  Most of us know, or at least feel,  that life  is not meant to be that simple. Love is bigger than any bottle we could find to put it in and study it  .  There are contradictions . Uncaring cruelty is more of a problem for those who perpetuate it than it really often is for those who receive it.
 As humans we can invent ways to be better than our instincts might suggest . We can do better by role playing and game playing ; by resisting both the idea,  the emotion and the natural reaction. There are  times when "having a go at someone" can be tested with much less risk of harm to the people involved. When we show we care as well.  Kick the ball around- a bit of push and shove is OK if the rules are clear -?  - I'm not saying its easy,  but one of the worst things you can do with emotional energy is to bottle it up, or ignore it when it comes to the fore . .

The faith of our forefathers,  and their understanding of how to manage passion imperatives,  has been watered down to a lot of silly simplicities that don't work.


One of these simple, but flawed moral imperatives is : " Being nice" and not showing aggression.

If you think modern psychology has answered all the questions of construct here , think again. How well have we "moved on "?
  Freud, that famous student of the emotional life of man , could not , like many moderns,  face the challenge that aggression needed a moral compass to guide it.  So what did he do - he ignored it ( for as long as he could!After WW2 )
What is your community / society doing to help young people resolve their views on this difficult subject ?
Those who seem to believe in "not limiting any natural passion " seem to  growing , but does such simple stuff have any sustainability?
Your turn to talk

The good marriage

Have seen some great movies lately. If you have too, please share a short post with us at worthwatching . The one that recently really made me sit up and think was an old granada suspense drama movie on VHS( shows how backward I am?)called THE GOOD SOLDIER .Its a must see.

Its a really powerful exploration of 2 couples in particular and the way their best intentions are not enough to get them to really enjoy their marriages . Not that they couldn't just that they didn't. Tell me what you think if you see it ?
Like a lot of good literature its not what's said but what's not said . If only we would confront our thoughts and each other openly and honestly about our failings and guilt ,difficulties there COULD/ would be a lot more reconciliation.
This is a powerful but great story because it forces the audience to go beyond the trite and technique driven reactionary stuff that is all around us ; stuff that simply doesn't cut it and get people back together.

The creative urge

Heard you talking cautiously about those who make miracle claims. Sounds reasonable, considering the apparent euphoria around what has happened at Beaconsfield .
Struck by the fact that for me , ( and I think most ) the sense of miracle is very personal. A sort of wonderful thing in itself – a bit like the warmth in the pants effect ; not welcomed so much by others?
Nothing hits you when you have a sense of miracle than the difficulty of explaining it to others – after all its your experience ---at least in large measure . And we forget and doubt quite naturally because if God is there he’s not out front in ways we desire.


The best examples I know of miracles are ones where the miracle happened to someone I know and I share a sense of wonder much greater than they do about all the coincidences .
One day I’ll put a few in writing.
BUT I am in a general sense of wonder that the one who could tweak the nuons and quarks should do it with such incredible precision as to be so personal. Is not the testimony of experience of humans that we are made our Creator’s image ? We love to create and if the determinist are right we are kidding ourselves completely.

Either way, I think , JUST like the blind man Jesus healed , most did not want to know .Despite being loud and getting lots of people to defend him and share his knowledge , the wider elements of audience wanted to shut him up . Somethings in the media are very predictable . The challenge is to avoid focusing on them alone ! After all the lowest common denominator is not good science either.

Remember too, that our secular prophets say we are in denial about determinism --and rightly so. – There is , in reality , a lot of things to wonder about ----- if you are prepared not to close the door of the mind / heart on them.
Keep up the good work

The road less travelled

Great to see Jane Austen's novel back up on screen . If you haven't seen it you must !
PRIDE and PREDJUDICE ***** As a great piece of literature, it reminds us, like Solzenitzens first words to the West of one key kink in the human condition . Mum and Dad have their limitations . BUT weren't mum and dad oh so good in the picture !

By agnowledging our parents WEAKNESSEs we learn to agnowledge our own
Was for example Dad's submission to mum always a form of weakness,or a response that was rare and therfore noted on film. Was he stronger than he appeared at first glance? Will weaknesses in our family destroy it ? Of course not - facing weakness is the key to finding love . M&D loved each other- and that love made their children KNOW love.
Solzetnisens point is a very serious one - 60 years of torture - for nothing . we can by thinking like children and focus too much on other weaknesses miss the point and fall lower than even our parents in the parenting and economia game. As normal children we can so easily fall for that appealing temptation that we know a better around their recipe for a happy home ( family society etc ) . We sneer - becoming the new snobs to a new generation of children.


This lack of knowledge is oh so evident in the money our ageing reactionary media people waste on PERIOD PIECE drivel . what don't our ageing reactionary media people not understand that they produce such drivel ? How did CATE BLANCHETT get herself into that dark piece of modern snobbery that is an IDEAL HUSBAND 1999. Too many young Australians do not know what snobbery is and when they are guilty of it . Does Cate too not recognise what makes for good literature? she is not alone in the modern world of people who are forever pointing out whats wrong but don'tknow HOw to Fix things.

REACTIONARIES- How predictable and backward they are!
It was remarked of that prominent stirrer Bernard Shaw that "he fell off his perch" when he realised, after making a living as a reactionary .that Plato's society was infact more dynamic and interesting than his own ,in many many ways.( he got to the top of the tree and surveyed the countryside objectively?
Our modern ageing reactionaries need to stop revisiting the past with their eyes over their reading glasses. Then they might stop making such trash as An ideal husband and not have kept us so long waiting for good literature .Keep up the good work and we'll keep giving you some !