The epidemic of gaslighting is fueled by the false postmodern morality that implies that anger is a sin. Anger is not wrong in itself - its a gift from your Creator to protect you and others. Sin is a seperate but proximate or associated risk when we get angry. Our forebears knew this when they made "verbal abuse" as criminal and "physical abuse", Words amazingly, can start and finish what can otherwise be all out war.( see methods for reconciliation below )
The God in the Bible is noted for getting angry - and at the specific business of abuse of men by others. Our forebears were taught to “ be angry and sin not “--And it works
Because we often sin with harsh words ourselves when provoked to anger, we also need the hear the accompanying call to be reconciled that comes with speaking better words “ before the sun goes down :” We have disagreements and facing them fairly and with distinct and specific questions, statements and words we can at least clear the air. and know where we stand .
The natural process ( adrenalin - nor adrenalin) is to be welcomed, not shunned . The fear of anger too is normal and healthy , but it should not stop us facing it square on. Fight and flight?
If the above process is practiced well, it can birth reconciliation using the very components that can just as easily start and keep the war going. The alternative is a passivity that breeds shaming and resentment.
Develop your confidence in using the method above by examining and dealing better with the times when you get angry and frustrated but don’t even notice it . Like when other members of the household expect you to always do something they should or could do themselves: or when you feel someone isn't really listening to you properly.
When the above brief counsel was written down, there was no knowledge of adrenalin or nor-adrenalin. All of us need to see the love that can carry us through anger - esp the kind, as the therapist said, that comes from your own body that loves you.
Shoosh -- she is talking !
