Dealing with Domestic violence and the epidemic of gaslighting

The epidemic of gaslighting is fueled by the false postmodern morality that implies that anger is a sin. Anger is not wrong in itself - its a gift from your Creator to protect you and others. Sin is a seperate but proximate or associated  risk when we get angry. Our forebears knew this when they made "verbal abuse" as criminal and "physical abuse", Words amazingly, can start and finish what can otherwise be all out war.( see methods for reconciliation below )

The God in the Bible is noted for getting angry - and at the specific business of abuse of men by others. Our forebears were taught to “ be angry and sin not “--And it works 

Because we often sin with harsh words ourselves when provoked to anger, we also need the hear the accompanying call to be reconciled that comes with speaking better words “ before the sun goes down :”  We have disagreements and facing them fairly and with distinct and specific questions, statements and words  we can at least  clear the air. and know where we stand . 

The natural process ( adrenalin - nor adrenalin) is to be welcomed, not shunned . The fear of anger too is normal and healthy , but it should not stop us facing it square on. Fight and flight?

If the above process is practiced well, it can birth reconciliation using the very components that can just as easily start and keep the war going.  The alternative is a passivity that breeds shaming and resentment.

Develop your confidence in using the method above by examining and dealing better with the times when you get angry and frustrated but don’t even notice it . Like when other members of the household expect you to always do something they should or could do themselves: or when you feel someone isn't really listening to you properly. 

When the above brief counsel was written down,  there was no knowledge of adrenalin or nor-adrenalin. All of us need to see the love that can carry us through anger - esp the kind, as the therapist said, that comes from your own body that loves you.

Shoosh -- she is talking !

How to jump back into the idea of Marriage

 It's a terrible State of cynicism we are in in 2024 and it's been some time in coming . For women who thought they liberated themselves, it's going to take some time to realize they haven't and they can't.

In our treatment of each other and the earth ,we have ALL gone the wrong way , justified the path and its desert like dryness WHEN we can ALL can make things new again by going to confession, turning around to see the cul de sac and its real nature .... about our attitude and mindset. We can all reset our sails and ditch the bitching.

Marriage is the best provided you find the right attitude to it .
We would be unwise to JUST see OUR problems as the worst because that cynicism about human nature pervades all things we do and are involved in. This deep hole reality then is therefore not new or as threatening as moderns make it ( as if its a revelation and , worse than that -its " the other blokes problem), We still haven't moved back to the position our forebears came to where we go to confession and start all over again - in new direction with a new view.
Sure we have all broken the rules , in our minds everyday , and we will again , But for Today decide to be faithful . Go on then ...Give yourself a clean sheet and start all over again

Give honor to those in Authority

 (Queen Elizabeth died this week )

Love how the Joe and Josephine Blows of our  world in their millions are celebrating the Queen (Queen Elizabeth died this week ) and the idea of a head of State that is beyond politics. There is a sense of unity there that doesn't and can't be spelt out in Law.  

Their queen was like the one who footsteps she followed in was  a listener . 

The usurpers are in a muddle, but we all go into a huddle and rejoice because there is something beyond  the pretences of power . All our power is still weakness and failure   and we must at time s admit it and go forward in a way which accepts the truth .  We must know love to  really move on 

Was talking to a friend recently who feels he never told his now deceased mother that he loved her. 

We both realized ( thinking about our parents and their imperfections ) that if we remembered that our duty is to honor our parents and not necessarily to agree with them, we could say " I love you "( and they back on the same basis )  without hesitation . 

As we were taught by the Master , we don't have to agree with everything you say or did  but we can still love you, It's more that a feeling,  its acceptance and forgiveness and something we should strive to say to each other just as it has been said to us . 

We need to see past what our parents knew to what the tribe knows

 Peterson is reminding us baby boomers that we need to go back, look at what our parents lived by  (eg good and bad , sloppy and self-centered , weak and weak willed ) and get out of the cul de sacs we went off on before we can go forward https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rc_NNjV0s1o

Born to Love

Went to hear the Waifs last night , and this great song title of theirs gives real inspiration .
We are all born to love !
But as Tina said --- where is it today ?
When our reason fails us on this ,  we need to go back and find foundations .
Such foundations can take some finding...but this is one is a good start .

You were born to chase the good .
and good  is the mental equipment  YOU have to do that . No one needs to tell you whats right but you need to be reconciled within yourself about whats wrong with you .
You have  failed to live up to whats right.
You have been weak when being strong is your calling .
Your rationale is probably suspect at times -- just as mine is 

We know this truth too about love .
We sometimes have to cruel to be kind " which in itself reminds us that to be deterministically rational may just get us confused ,
Truth is in a tension ; a paradox .
Sometimes truth is blocked by our own reason and sometimes its just beyond anyone's reasoning.

Options --contrasting ways to think about and getting on with loving    
1. Rationalize yourself into it . -many who don't want to introduce unknown forces into this world want us to never make a decision till we have weighed up what we know- they say - to be thoroughly responsible we have to be thoroughly rational and vice versa  .IMO this is a very limiting way to both think and live.
This ideology  is asking us to think and act on  incomplete information ( and maybe using emotion and rationalized emotion ) but then just leaves us at that point  -  a cop out bottom line convenience buy-- I am saying that , what we need , as our emotions and minds are connected  is  a holding position mechanism -  a way of  suspending disbelief ..
What we all do know from human experience is that we don't know . "What's love got to do with anything" 

If ever there there was anything that's subject to rational abuse its love talk. To  accept that its part of the structure of life  is not enough when we want to use it -- rationally... .  Can anyone resolve all problems by being specifically rational about their interpretation of whats  good in a situation? . If

Love is not what we want it to be, who tells us what it is ?  Whats promoted as love as Tina turner says is often anything but .  Isn't any automatic presumption  of love  being love specifically dangerous as its products in politics shows . " You need to die because you are not as fit as I am and there are too many people in the world"  .For good of all - That's natural rational love-- isn't it?


2. Born to love comes from beyond these earthly shores    To have reasons beyond reason ability is not irrational,  but possibly big picture wise . If we accept an answer as beyond reason and beyond your knowledge of our worlds  natural forces you may have a chance of getting beyond reason to then better rationalize your experience .Its a worth a try , because no one really knows how the world really work , except that it invites romance and wonder .   
Taking on assumptions you don't fully understand is not always easy,  but it is how we learn .  Assuming   Karma ,  Justice and Judgement  and fairness may help us learn and learn to love . If there was just only kindness without justice that would make that form of kindness a terrible uncaring ( even irrational )  thing

Take the ABC's question "are humans inherently kind" ?  This question highlights the inadequacy of the  post modern position 1  -
Position No 2 assumes we are more than structure and  we have freedom to choose love . kindness or cruelty.  There is pressure from population and place,  but is crude number control the answer 4 us ?
Love has to do with possibilities and there are, as before, lots of possibilities for people in this world .

What we do know if we ever grow up  is that we sometimes have to cruel to be kind.
So love is a bit  about timing, not being superficial  and being disagreeable like our mothers and our wives can ( not aiming ) to be  .  ( Note These 3 amigo rules that are not always acceptable in a court of moral law )

3. Thinking completely outside the square 
If kindness is  the weak force of Nature ,  maybe its the one that holds it together ( a lesson from recent cosmology ?) If God is not good,  we have all the reason we nred to be bad

Biologically we are not inherently anything,  but a structure in which forces can operate ; Forces of chemistry physiology etc - An amazing creation - that has the freedom to choose  for good or for ill .For self or for the body.    So you are happy in yourself and your own logic then are you ?

The biggest mistake any generation make is to blame the structure and deny the freedom of choice . Is that what the epistemological despair of our own generation all about  -denying ourselves choice when it suits us to deny it  ? The genes made me do it /
Modelling is how the Christian faith grew to be seen to be a workable philosophy. Testing a faith is a good way to build/ destroy a foundation - following Christ's way  has stood the test of time
Our psyches tell us we all have a religion of sorts and quite logically OUR rational for using them , on the above logic must be at times,  quite unreliable .
That means a  belief , or something like Karma,  doesn't always makes complete sense to a pedant ,  a flanuers  or your everyday chatterer on the net.      Don't go figure ...go test!

Who cares  if you are a bit of a romantic .... if it works ?



Martin Luther King wrote the book  "Free to love" . another way to live foundation idea;  to love we need to be free to love
Modern determinists  are all wrong in trying to say we are one thing or the other ; this  leads people to say  groups are either good or bad -- this 'ism"  ism    is not truth but projection . see JB Peterson's rule on housekeeping intelligence.

Martin Luther reminds us we are a duality  . he learned the hard way ( by striving to be good ) that we are need a way forward from a dilemma we face every day. Read his 1600 booklet "On being a Christian" .

Domestic violence is on the increase - and what are men doing about it?

.

Things are clearly getting worse in domestic households and women are pretty desperate for answers , Its frustrating for them that men seem less interested or are quietly critical of their approach. Big subject

What is very understandable is women's feelings for the treatment of their own kind and especially those who look after children.The growing numbers of mothers who are stuck economically and emotionally .

There is a lot of momentum coming from people like ABC's @Bairdjulia. I am not surprised that the "sexually liberated" females have realised, without thinking or speaking about it openly ,that they too are not feeling very liberated. Another huge hornets nest , Many of their mothers tried to warn them about the consequences of their choices. One who speaks through this dilemma is Bettina Arndt Lack of answers and shaming ( some see the above statement as this ) leads to bad answers and blaming and projection. Take 1 Distracting trivia about % of women in high office The women who run ABC The Drum and 7:30 reports are at the top of the tree . The preoccupation with a persons "position on the tree" is, for me a sign of intellectual poverty; Who wants to be playing games at the top- only those who have never been there ?. Have they not watched and been involved in " Line of duty " ( that great series on Netflix) work

Take 2 The mere male and boy amongst us

To blame men in general is wrong ( men have a place in rearing children and many women are denying them that ) and distractionary. Both parties aren't learning about things like dispute resolution (" UR too soft , Ur too hard ") , roles and values ( is it natural for the woman to do the nurturing....... and MI ....what is nurturing ..?) and anger management ( "Be angry don't sin and talk about it before you go to sleep at night ") -- Rather than facing and being reconciled to anger as it is in both parties, many are in denial of it in themselves , hoping to avoid its consequences and the worst to come in DV if its not deal with TODAY.

To not deal with it daily ( as the teaching implies ) is a sure sign of worse things coming up .

Reminds me of politics - so much politics is reactionary not radical ( goes back to the root of the problem or what worked in our parents generation) . For eg "what's different in the modern family and how we think about conflict resolution ? "

Want love -- Start here !

Love her honesty ,  the substance of building good relationships and the hint . the hint of shame . Great book recently about shaming and our need for forgiveness. . 

https://www.ted.com/talks/mandy_len_catron_falling_in_love_is_the_easy_part?utm_campaign=social&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=t.co&utm_content=talk&utm_term=social-science